anxiety and depression


I have never really been mature with my finances.

I always was spending always wanted to have the latest gadgets and the newest fashion in clothes.

Always out on the weekend partying at the best places to go to with my friends, paying for everyone’s drinks.

I could afford it so I didn’t see what the issue was.

Then came the time in my life I had to buy myself a home, somewhere to live and call my own place.

Went to the bank got approved for a loan and next thing I know I have my own house.

Slowly buying the furniture, set up my home to the style that I wanted was fun.

I was still working and going out with my friends and shopping but this time when I looked at my bank statement I didn’t have much left by the end of the month.

I decided that it was time for me to cut back.

When I was going out with my friends I wouldn’t pay for as many drinks or the dinners.

I mean I need to save money, pay for a house loan and bills.

It meant I did not have as much money to spend.


I started realizing that I wasn’t going out as much because my friends didn’t invite me.

It never crossed my mind that it was because I stopped paying for all the drinks and dinners we had.

I mean they were my friends surely they based our friendship on actual friendship and not because I was paying for our social life.
Then I saw a few of them out on the night I went for my work drinks gathering.

They were all there and I wasn’t invited.

I could feel the tension as I walked over and I couldn’t understand what seemed to be the issue.
I went home upset and started to really reflect on the friendship that I had.

Realizing that all was because I was financially paying for everything when we would go out.

I started to hate myself for being out in that situation and I never felt more alone.

My daily routine changed then I would wake up go to work come home and repeat.

I stopped going out stopped having fun.

I couldn’t even bother to go shopping.


My family started worrying, they called it depression but I couldn’t accept it.

It couldn’t be.

My family started to force me to come out to see them to spend more time with them but it was hard.

I mean, I was 28 and I shouldn’t be spending time with my parents almost every weekend.

I should be going out with people my age.


It wasn’t until a few months later I bumped into an old school friend of mine when I went grocery shopping.

It was like we never stopped hanging out with one another.

I told her what happened and she said the same thing happened to her.

We started hanging out, even more, I guess she understood what I was going through and did help me see that I was not alone.
I do still sometimes feel lonely but I look at what I have achieved and I can’t be upset for having a roof over my head that I got myself.

I guess depression was what I then and am still suffering from but with help from a true friend and family, I am slowly recovering.

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